Friday, March 25, 2011

Celebrity Apprentice Recap: My Name Ain�t baby. It�s LaToya. Miss Jackson if You�re Nasty

God I wish she said that in the boardroom. Unfortunately LaToya barely said anything at all and that�s why she�s the one sent packing. It�s totally a shame because right before being fired Jackson made the most valid point of the whole season. She tells Trump the women keep losing because Star hijacks every task not because LaToya is a weak player and she�s right. Star sucks.

I�m actually so annoyed that I don�t even want to talk about this task. I just want to talk about the fact that LaToya Jacklson was robbed of her chance to win Celebrity Apprentice because a bunch of tactless bitches overpowered her in volume and cattiness. The worst one of them all is Star Jones. Star is a loud, over-bearing jackal who is responsible for every single loss the for the women�s team. It�s unbelievable that she gets to stay and LaToya goes home.

Let�s go task by task and I�ll tell you exactly why Star is awful each time.

Week 1: During a time sensitive pizza-selling task, project manager Star Jones chooses to close the store (CLOSE THE STORE!) in the middle of the task because she thinks they need to focus on deliveries. Too bad she�s late sending members of her team out to deliver that pizza, causing them to miss out on a $40,000 bonus.

Week 2: While making a children�s book for charity, Star continuously undermines project manager Lisa Rinna until Lisa becomes completely unhinged and freaks out. Lisa was an okay PM, but she�s weak, so Star�s constant calculated cajoling makes it impossible for her to lead. The women�s team loses because Star has terrible ideas and is a terrrible person, but somehow snakes having her terribleness blamed on Rinna.

Week 3: The episode starts with Star bitching and moaning about her team accusing her of being meddlesome and bossy. Really honey? Because you ARE meddlesome and bossy. She continues her reign of terror by barking orders at PM Nicki Taylor during the RV camping task. Of course, the girls lose, and of double course, Star doesn�t take responsibly even though everything they did was a result of her forced ideas.

Week 4: The women create a boring commercial for ACN because Star thinks they should be conservative. She even tells NeNe to tone down her �sexiness� while presenting. Both these suggestions are awful and the men win the task because their presentation is edgier, sexier and more fun. The fail is exactly Star�s fault, yet no one accuses her of sucking. Boo.

Week 5: Star does nothing except sit on her fat ass and work a credit card machine. The women win because Marlee rocks it. Maybe Star was okay on this task, but I hate her face so I can�t bring myself to congratulate her.

Week 6: The women win because Latoya Jackson is a genius. Star insults Jackson and undermines her authority every step of the way, but Latoya triumphs because she ignores the rest if her team and sticks to her guns about her multi-season gold theme. If there�s one thing Jackson family members do well it�s put on a show. Star should have let LaToya just do her thang.

Week 7: Star eats all the Omaha Steaks, and then devours the entire set including the tables, chairs and audience members because she is a big fat pig.

Week 8: We know what happens here. Star comes up with a shitty concept, creates shitty ads and is a condescending bitch to all her other teammates. Does she get fired? Of course not. LaToya does.

The women need to man up and tell Trump just how awful Star is because if Star wins this thing I�m done.

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